


Hotline Bling

by littlenoona



Series: r u mine? [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha!zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Beta!Niall, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega!Harry, Self-Lubrication, alpha!louis, girl!Harry, girl!Liam - Freeform, girl!Zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlenoona/pseuds/littlenoona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing.</p><p>(or, the long anticipated sequel to Black Treacle; or, alternatively, the fic where Liam is clingy, Harry is still sassy, Niall is figuring out fatherhood, Louis is kind of in love, and Zayn is a little confused.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you used to call me on my cellphone

**Author's Note:**

> It's here! It's finally here! The sequel to Black Treacle is here, my lovelies! Enjoy.

Liam decided that, in the grand scheme of things, this all could have honestly gone to shit much sooner than it actually did. She sat on the couch next to Harry and Louis, who were cuddling under the large heavy quilts that Grace had dropped off when she initially came to this uni. Louis had to leave soon because quiet hours were to be in effect soon; 9:50 to 6:30 on weekdays, and 10:30 to 7:00 on the weekends or holidays. 

By some strange stroke of luck - or something - they had all ended up at the same university in the center of London, Queen's University, the first of its kind. It believed that there was no reason why alphas, betas, and omegas couldn't all learn to grow, study, and thrive together safely into productive, well adjusted young adults. It had coed dorms, omega only, beta only, and alpha only buildings, as well. 

Harry and Liam lived in one of the newest omega buildings, only about two or three years old, and were more or less happy with their living arrangement. Louis lived in an athletic coed building, but for all intents and purposes spent more time in his girlfriend's apartment than anywhere else on campus.

Niall was studying a little bit closer to home to help Jade with the baby. Jade, who never really liked school very much anyway, found a secretarial job that she did on the side to support herself and the baby. Their parents helped, as did their friends and the occasional neighbor or two.

Zayn lived in a co-ed dorm as well, with a beta named Louise.

Thinking of Zayn made the ice cream Liam was eating turn sour in her mouth. She set the small little bucket of cookie dough ice cream on the floor, still holding onto the spoon. She didn't even know what she was watching, to be honest. The program had been Harry's choice, some reality television program or another that they all really did enjoy, but that Liam found no particular delight in that evening. 

To say that Zayn and Liam had simply broken up would be glossing over the issue. Liam bit her bottom lip, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at the young male omega confront his beta girlfriend, begging her to see the reason in what he was saying. The scene made her think of what had happened between her own lover and herself. 

Shoshannah had, ever since Liam initially found out about her existence, always been a doubt that wiggled and nudged at the corners of Liam's already fragile emotional state. Zayn insisted that she wasn't a threat to their relationship, which was difficult for Liam to believe when Zayn spent an inordinate amount of time with the slender, svelte blonde. They had inside jokes, they talked constantly, and the focus of Zayn's art had shifted from Liam to Shoshannah herself. 

Liam had struggled, but persevered nonetheless. She had wanted Zayn with her whole body, mind, soul, spirit - everything she had inside. She wished that she could make Zayn understand why her behavior was so hurtful and what it was about her newly rekindled friendship with Shoshannah that bothered her the most. Still, whenever she tried, Zayn shut the conversation and didn't really listen to what Liam had to say. 

The breaking point for Liam had been when Zayn accused her of being insecure in their relationship, and asked Liam when exactly she'd ever given her a single reason to doubt the foundation of their relationship. She accused her of being a needy, clingy omega. Maybe not with those words, but the sentiment was clear. She said that she needed to spend time with Shoshannah because she was sponsoring Zayn's art and helping her make connections with art dealers and different galleries in cities like Manchester, Newcastle, and Bristol. 

Liam then suggested, in a fit of anger, rage, frustration, and pain, that Zayn spend all her time with Shoshannah, and to forget all about Liam or whatever kind of future they could ever have together. She yelled, raised her voice at Zayn for the first time. While Zayn usually yelled at Liam during their arguments, Liam cried and blubbered and whimpered, but she never actually yelled at Zayn like that, or told her how she truly felt. 

She also told Zayn that she could get well and proper fucked if she thought for two seconds that Liam could ever believe that she and Shoshannah had a purely professional relationship. There was too much history between them, she insisted, shaking in anger and fear. Zayn never hit her or laid a single abusive hand on her, but she was still afraid of her reaction.

Zayn looked at Liam with, for the first time in a very long time, raw emotion. The cigarette she'd been smoking fell from her mouth and onto the table where they had been eating lunch together. She said nothing, and simply stood up, tossed a few notes on the table, and went on her way. 

That was that. 

Liam told herself that she wasn't angry or disappointed in how it had ended. She was unhappy in the relationship, at least near the very end of it. Still, the tears she'd cried over the end of their relationship, the weight she lost because her grief would not allow her to eat, and the night sweats that plagued her all betrayed her true emotions. Liam was devastated, truth be told. 

She had planned her whole life around Zayn already, and had their lives mapped out, together. By now, they would have been mated, and Liam would have worn Zayn's claim on her inner thigh proudly, with a soft, delicate collar or ring to match. Maybe both. They would move into an airy loft that over looked the river before uni started. Hopefully, they'd have a cute commitment ceremony somewhere stylish and kitschy, like Amsterdam. Their families would be over the moon. She'd already had several apartments lined up to go look at, little swatches of colors she'd like for the living room, kitchen, bathroom, their bedroom... a nursery, maybe. 

She'd stay at home with the babies - three - and Zayn would do... her art and things, and they'd be one big, happy family. Maybe they'd move out to a suburb, or a nice country home where Zayn could paint outside and their children would have enough space to run around and play.

That dream had sunk, surely, and along with it, all her other hopes and dreams and aspirations for what her life would have been with Zayn. She had so many plans for them both, so many rich dreams and idealizations, but it seemed like Zayn wasn't on board with it at all. She was far more occupied with Shoshannah and her art, anyway. 

Furthermore, things were now awkward between the group. Niall, who had always heavily disagreed with their relationship, had done his best to support Liam along with Jade, having her over for dinner, including her in family nights, camping trips, et cetera. Louis did support Zayn because they were very, very close - some may say closer than Harry was to him - but, Harry was his soon to be mate, and she firmly supported Liam, so his loyalties occasionally wavered in one direction or the other.

Doing things with Liam or Zayn always resulted in a strain. If Zayn was invited, Liam either couldn't or wouldn't go, and vice versa. They hadn't directly sought each other out since the breakup, or spoken to one another, and so, produced a tension in the group. This tension faded with time, however, and soon, the group regained their sense of normalcy and went about their daily lives with the girls, careful not to mention one to the other and not upset the careful, fragile progress they had both made. 

Still, it all hadn't massively gone to pieces. It wasn't so bad. Liam found a lot of activities to distract herself from the pain of losing Zayn to someone else. She began to read a lot more, learned to knit, and threw herself into, of all things, solving puzzles. Something about solving those 500 and 100 piece jigsaw puzzles calmed her, and they required so much attention and focus that it didn't allow her to dwell on Zayn too much. And her classes were going well, weren't they? She was majoring in biology, which she really did love and take a shine to. Her social life wasn't... well, she didn't have much of a social life anymore but she was happy nonetheless. 

"Liam? Liam...? Earth to Lee," Harry said softly, nudging the girl with her elbow. She startled, slightly, dropping the spoon from her mouth and onto a block of floral patterns on the quilt. She passed Liam her phone, which was buzzing dully on the coffee table. Embarrassed, Liam picked it up and turned the reminder off, tucking the phone into one of the sweater's pockets. 

The only serious downside, amongst all the emotional ones, to their breakup was the fact that Liam now had to face her heats alone. 

Having grown accustomed to almost a year of uninterrupted access to an alpha whenever she wanted had spoiled her, surely. She could have sex with Zayn whenever she wanted. And up until the very end, Zayn did take remarkable care of Liam during her heats. No matter what, the one area Zayn never disappointed Liam in was sex. She didn't even track her cycle anymore, because Zayn usually did and reminded her to take off school, to stock up the little mini fridge in her heat room, clean her toys, prep herself, and all those good things. 

The first heat Liam had after the breakup was probably as bad, if not worst, than her first heat. She cried and thrashed about and actually thought she was dying for a brief spell. It was physically painful, made her ache from the roots of her brown curls all the way down to the tips of her toes. She was sensitive, feverish, nauseated, hot all over, and no matter what, could not seem to find any true satisfaction, and only achieved, in all that time, a handful of true orgasms. That week was, to put it lightly, miserable. 

Harry's remedy had been simple. When Liam told her what had happened at their weekend sleepovers, which had become somewhat of an unspoken tradition, Harry sighed sympathetically before reaching for her black purse. She pulled out a black wallet, then a stack of business cards. With a small smile, she passed Liam a black, glossy business card and told her to give them a call. 

Liam blushed, whacked Harry with a pillow, and stuffed her mouth with a couple bites of pizza. It was basically an alpha escort business. Harry apparently used to solicit their services quite often during her own heats before she'd become a regular thing with Louis. She highly recommended them for being professional, clean, discreet, and kind. They had both male and females, intersex... the works. Though Liam never called, she did save the card. Just in case. 

Still, the horrors of that heat were too much to bear. Liam wanted to avoid a repeat of that if she could help it, so she solicited Louis' advice. She needed suppressants. Her father wouldn't sign the consent, and until she turned 21, she wouldn't be able to purchase them herself at the pharmacy. Alphas, however, could at the age of 18, which she thought was really stupid, but, well. In any event, Louis was the only alpha she really talked to or trusted with such a delicate issue. 

Liam could probably find some on the black market, but those were probably a little too strong and could do more damage than good. Granted, suppressants were all around bad for omegas, because they suppressed natural body chemistry and forced the body to shut down the hormones and pheromones responsible for provoking a heat in the first place. They were only recommended for short term use, but Liam foresaw that she would be using them for much longer than the usual three to six months. 

Surprisingly, Louis supplied them to her, a whole year's supply without any foul words or hard feelings. He even promised not to tell Zayn, who would probably have a tit if she knew Liam was on them. Not that she should care what Liam did or didn't do anymore, but still. 

It was time for Liam to take her suppressant. If she didn't take them regularly and follow her strict schedule, it would provoke a heat that would send her into a toxic shock. She'd have to go to a hospital, where they'd find out about her suppressant use and start asking too many questions. So, she got up and went to the loo, dug out the small pill bottle that was in the first aid kit, and took a small pink pill with a swig of water. 

While she was freshening up, she heard Louis and Harry talking. The door was slightly open, so if she strained her ears, she could hear them fairly well. 

"I'm starting to really worry about her," Harry confessed. Liam frowned at herself in the mirror. Harry had always worried about Liam, even more so now than ever. She was fine. Wasn't Harry convinced she was fine? "She woke up crying this morning."

"Again?" Louis' voice didn't sound surprised, just curious. How often had Harry heard Liam crying and told Louis? Liam didn't cry around Harry. She did it in the privacy of three places and three places only. Her shower, her bedroom, or the bathroom on the fourth floor of the building where she took her basic organic chemistry class because it usually was abandoned since most people didn't know about it and offered her a special measure of privacy. 

"Yeah, again." Harry's voice sounded contrite, serious, worried. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do. Just call her." Call who? Zayn? Liam's eyes burned in anger. She was fine without Zayn, happy, and was starting to adjust. She needed time before she'd be completely normal again. What was so difficult to understand about that?

"I can't do that. Liam's... she's making baby steps. She needs time to do this on her own. But I'm just worried that she won't be able to cope, you know? She really cared about... you know who." 

"Maybe she needs to get out of the flat, babe. She never goes out. Except to class and stuff. She needs some fresh air. That's what it is."

"Liam doesn't like to go out. You know that. It makes her uncomfortable. Remember the last time we tried taking her to a party?" 

"That's different. That was then. I'm talking about now. Clearly, all your fussing hasn't done anything for her because she's still pale and not eating and crying and carrying on like the world has ended - "

"It did for her, Louis. You don't understand, you could never really understand, but Liam was in love with her. You can't just turn that off over time. Imagine if we broke up, boo." 

"We aren't Liam and Zayn," he said softly. The weight of that statement weighed heavily on Liam. She could hear them kissing, the old couch creaking with their weight. Liam opened the faucet to wash her hands, eyes leaking hot, salty tears once again. What was that supposed to mean? Was their relationship really so awful? And did Harry think that Liam was in such a state that she couldn't even go out for a night and have a good time? Who gave them the right? Who gave anyone the right to assume things about Liam that weren't even true? 

She splashed her face with lukewarm water. Liam decided then, as she dabbed at her face with a hand towel and shut the tap off, that she'd had quite enough of feeling sorry for herself and having other people feel sorry for her. It was bad enough to have Harry fussing and clucking after her like a worried mother hen. She didn't want or need anyone else doing it, too. 

With that, Liam walked out of the bathroom and padded down the hall in her wooly socks and sweats. Louis and Harry had since pulled away from one another. Harry was standing near the coat closet with Louis, tying his scarf for him as she looked into his eyes with love and adoration very clearly radiating from her. She loved Louis with all her heart, and Liam knew, despite appearances, that Louis was truly, deeply in love with Harry as well. 

Harry's pulling on Louis' hat and fussing at him about being careful not to catch a cold when Louis noticed that Liam had joined them again. 

"Love, are you busy this weekend? We're throwing a party in the basement of my dorm. Are you up for it? It'll be pretty low key, you know? Just a couple of friends, a few kegs, and some bangers." Louis looked pretty convincing. The typical handsome young alpha, to be sure. Despite his friendship with Zayn, which Liam knew was as strong as ever, Liam still liked him because he was always honest with her and never sugar coated the truth. 

"Liam and I are going shopping, darling," Harry said, making a face at him. "Didn't I tell you?"

"Yeah, but the party is Saturday night, not Sunday. I'll even take you to the shops myself," Louis offered. "And I'll let you drive." He had bought himself a Range Rover before school started. Harry had driven it /once/ and had since begged Louis to let her drive it more often. The fact that this was on the table let Liam know Louis was being serious. "And I'll treat you guys to lunch, yeah? It'll be nice."

"Okay, yeah," Liam said, nodding a little as she adjusted the ponytail she'd gathered her hair into. "Sure. I'm game." Louis looked self assured and grinned down at Harry, who made a small face. He kissed her nose before kissing her lips, whispering something against her parted pink lips. He soon took his leave, and then the announcement came over the P. A. system - quiet hours were in effect and all students were to either retreat to their dorms or the library for the night. 

A party. Okay. Liam could handle this, right? She could. She loved parties. Or she used to love parties, anyways. It would be nice to get back into the swing of things, she told herself, walking into the kitchen to do the dishes since it was her week to do them. Regaining a sense of normalcy for herself would be difficult, but Liam felt that this party would be a very good start indeed.


	2. wonderin' if you're bending over backwards for someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're mine," Liam had insisted, leaning in for a kiss that left Zayn breathless. Truly, all of Liam's kisses left her breathless, but still. She had climbed onto Zayn's lap, wrapping her arms around her back. Her lips pressed against Zayn's gently, hands reaching up to thread through Zayn's hair. Her body rocked down against Zayn's lap slowly, hips circling sultrily. She moaned into the kiss and deepened it a little before pulling away, resting her forehead against Zayn's. "And I love you. Don't be afraid, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi bebs! quick note. i mistagged this when i initially posted it - zayn is not an omega. she's an alpha. sorry for the confusion! happy reading bebs (:

Harry bounced Viola on her lap, listening to Jade chatter on with Niall in her small kitchenette. They'd come to visit, a surprise of course, and to bring Viola over for a brief visit to her makeshift aunts and uncle. Harry had a pretty lax schedule for her classes set up, and so only went to class twice a week. Granted, as a Literature major, she had class all day on Tuesday and Thursday; but her meticulous scheduling really did work out in her favor. It allowed her to party, study, and spend her weekends with Louis, not including all the other time they spent together.

Viola squealed, cooing and babbling around her small fist. She looked a lot like both Jade and Niall. Her eyes were a soft, clear shade of blue like her father, but she had dark curls like her mother; full lips, Niall's nose, and dimples, too. All in all, as agreed by most people, Viola Horan was pretty much the cutest baby in the world. Harry stood her up on her lap, laughing when she began to knead and pump her little chubby legs in excitement.

Harry laughed. She loved the little baby, and even though she didn't exactly feel ready to have one, she was looking forward to a baby of her own. It was, admittedly, something she and Louis brought up only twice in their entire relationship.

The first time was during one of Harry's first heat with Louis. It was right before he knotted her. They'd been going at it in a love hotel, which probably wasn't the most romantic place, but it did afford them with enough privacy to be able to hole up for a week to have as much passionate heat sex as their little hearts desired. She'd been underneath Louis, she remembered, cheeks flush as she instinctively clenched her thighs together. Her cheek had been on a pillow that she'd bunched up underneath her for support, back arching sinfully as Louis thrusted inside her over and over and over again. She cried, whining into the soaked pillow. (Soaked with tears, sweat, slick, come, and probably water too. It smelled like them. Maybe Harry kept the pillowcase because it reminded her of Louis. Maybe she didn't.) Louis reached down to rub his skilled fingers against Harry's wet folds, making her almost collapse into the worn mattress. Louis kissed the skin of her neck, nipping at her, pulled back her hair with his free hand, and then he'd whispered, almost growling, in her ear that one day he'd fill her with his pups, and Harry came harder than she ever knew possible.

The second had been shortly after they had received a frantic call from Niall about Jade going into labor. Harry and Louis had been curled up on the couch in Harry's living room, cuddling and watching one of Harry's favorite movies, The Mating, a typical omega romantic comedy, and a film that Louis had never truly been fond of, but that he watched with Harry at least once a month regardless. Louis had gotten up to fix another bowl of popcorn when Niall called, and before they knew it, they were joined by Zayn and Liam. (They hadn't broken up yet, but they were close.) Jade had gone into labor early in the day, and her water had broken soon after. Due to unforeseen complications, she needed to have a C-section. So, when the group of friends arrived with cards, teddy bears, and food, they found the new parents in Jade's narrow hospital bed with a chunky little bundle in white and pink blankets. When Harry held her for the first time, she was still asleep, eyes shut as she suckled on a pacifier. She'd cooed and whispered to her softly, then, welcoming her to the world with a small smile. When she'd looked up at Louis, he looked fond, loving, and in his eyes was the peculiar promise of someday. They never actually spoke about it, but that look was all Harry really needed to know how he felt about it.

Louis wanted kids. Okay. He never really explicitly told her that he wanted kids, but it was always implied, somehow. Who did he want them with? Harry? Harry didn't want kids, not now, not for a long time. She'd just started college, first of all, and second of all, she didn't think she could be the most stable mother, at least, not at this point in her life. She wasn't ready for motherhood, and didn't really want to give up her independence. And Louis wasn't even her mate, anyways, and she was sure he wouldn't want a child with her because he had the potential to have quite the remarkable, incredible career as a football star. A baby would damper that.

Still, it was nice to dream, and Viola was, for all intents and purposes, a very well behaved, happy, and enjoyable child. She curled close to Harry, who watched her yawn and stretch out before rubbing her face against her chest. She began to whimper, fussing and crying softly. Viola frowned, blue eyes welling with tears as she looked at Harry imploringly. Before Harry could even call out to Jade, she was walking into the living room. She handed the baby to her mother, watching Jade grab Viola's blanket and set herself up to breastfeed.

Niall came in with some sandwiches, and turned on a football game, smiling at his mate with a soft, loving grin. They were mated, well and proper. Jade's mark was by no means a subtle thing, but it was really pretty, between her shoulder and neck, almost on her collar. She had a collar that she didn't wear often, because, as she'd explained to Harry, Viola liked to pull and tug and chew on things, and she didn't want her to swallow something accidentally.

Harry swore she wasn't jealous, but the dull throb in her chest betrayed her true sentiment.

 

* * *

  
Liam had very little tolerance for things that were annoying, upsetting, or just irritating anymore. Before, it had been due to her fragility, her sensibilities tended to hold her back. But now? Liam didn't tolerate anything from anyone because of Zayn, and this, in turn, may have made some people view her as unapproachable and maybe even undesirable, but so be it. It wasn't like Liam exactly wanted to be approachable to anyone, anyways. She had bigger fish to fry right now.

She had been in one of her requirement courses, a Human Rights class where alphas, betas, and omegas came together to discuss relevant current events. It was designed to teach them how to relate to one another in terms of human beings instead of potential mates. It was, in theory, supposed to promote healthy relationships between everyone on campus, and to help them find ways to relate to one another. Liam picked it because she had to, but also because she thought it was an interesting topic.

They were discussing consent during heats, a widely debated issue. It was reasonable for them to discuss it, because it was important, and it was one of the main tenents of a functional relationship between any pair, regardless of sex or gender. While consent was considered by some to be implied, the omega in question couldn't consent explicitly because they were out of their minds with lust, more or less, and would consent to have sex with anything that could knot them, which was dangerous for all parties involved. The alpha could end up mated to someone they truly couldn't stand, and could reject the omega, who would already be suffering from emotional, physical, psychological, and mental scars from the attack. A rejection would all but kill the omega, especially in that state. Or what if the alpha was abusive? Or they just had fundamental differences? Were they damned to be together because of mere body chemistry? The alpha could easily leave and pick up and start somewhere new. What about the omega? They'd never be able to bond to anyone else, and would probably live a very unhappy life alone.

"But isn't that the point? Isn't a heat supposed to be a fertile period? It's an instinctual, evolutionary thing. Implied consent is enough," Seth, a particularly annoying beta who smelled like sour cream, insisted, perched on the edge of his desk. The classroom had a very liberal air, seeing as their professor had taken a very free, open forum approach to their classroom. Liam scowls. Normally, she didn't take part in their classroom discussions because she was busy working on another assignment for a different class, but that particular discussion had irritated her to no end.

"What? Are you saying that omegas don't have rights when their heats arrive?" Liam snapped, looking at him intently. He was a chav, to be sure, and he wasn't worth her energy, but she'd been pent up for weeks without an outlet for her frustration. Unfortunately for Seth, she'd be taking it out on him. Oh, well.

"No. I mean, well - yeah, kind of. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me you're not gagging for a knot while you're on your heat?" Seth countered, raising a thick eyebrow. He was a hair's breath away from sporting a unibrow, too, but he seemed to think it was stylish. Liam scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You can't cry wolf and then cry for the wolf to touch you."

"Omegas aren't mindless sex drones. We have feelings. And wants, and needs, and any alpha worth his or her salt should be able to respect that, heat or not." A few classmates called out their agreements, but a few alphas steadfastly took Seth's side. "An omega shouldn't be considered less than anyone else just because of how their bodies work."

"Look, alphas have needs too," Seth said, tone condescending and rude. "How hot can that be, anyways? Asking for permission every time they want something. Can I kiss you? Can I touch you? Do you mind if I take this off? It wastes too much time, and that isn't sexy."

Their teacher told them that this conversation could be picked up again next week. Liam was one of the first people out of the class. Normally, she really enjoyed going to class and loved watching the discussions. Now, she felt angry, deflated, and above all, sad. Any talk about alphas ultimately led her mind to Zayn.

She thought about her on the walk to her flat, adjusting her hat and scarf in the wind. It wasn't like she still missed Zayn, but if she was being honest... She did. Liam always did, dully, but it hurt even more when she thought about it actively for any length of time. Liam trudged towards the elevator in her building once she was inside, hitting the button for her floor. Her fingers deftly undid her jacket and outer gear.

She was praying Harry went out with Louis and that the flat was more or less empty. She wouldn't be able to deal with anyone, and ever since her secret revelation of how much Harry worried about her, Liam had been careful not to cry or get overly emotional if Harry was within hearing distance. All she wanted to do was be alone, tears already prick in the corners of her eyes. She was going to curl up in bed and cry under a mountain of blankets and pillows. It sounded like a good plan.

Imagine her surprise when she opened the door to find Niall, Jade, Harry, Louis, and the baby. Jade ran to hug her, squeezing her close. Liam returned her hug slowly, still watching everyone. She hung up her things before walking into the living room to greet her friends and the baby.

"Viola!" Liam cheered softly, laughing when the baby sleepily grinned at her, cuddled up with her father. Niall waved and smiled a little, offering a quiet hello. Jade was munching on a bowl of popcorn a la Harry - pretzels, chocolate bits, and salt, too, all mixed in with the buttery kernels. Louis and Harry were in their own little world, again, leaving Liam feeling odd and stuck. She knew her friends meant well. They only wanted her happiness and joy. They didn't do this on purpose, Liam knew. Jade and Niall were only trying to make sure that she knew they cared, and Harry and Louis were doing their best to make sure she didn't feel left out. But seeing her friends together like this only reminded her of what she didn't have, which was a mate or... somebody, and made her feel like the odd one out.

Niall and Jade were well and proper mated, which was to be expected with the fact that they had their own living space and a baby together. Harry and Louis weren't mated but they might as well have been, because for all intents and purposes, Harry belonged to Louis and Louis belonged to Harry, no if ands or buts about it. No one could come between any of them. Their relationships were solidly built and worked on, and Liam was... well, alone. Like always.

 

* * *

  
"I don't know about that pink dress, Louise," Zayn murmured over a box of take out, frowning a little. There was a party at Louis' frat that evening. He'd invited Zayn and told her it would be pretty casual, just a small friendly get together. He also promised that there would be enough liquor to keep her content, and that getting out of her flat would do her some good. Zayn had debated on going or not before deciding that it would be better to stay home. She was nearing her rut, anyways, and didn't want to be in a room full of drunk alphas and omegas and the occasional beta. It would only exacerbate her more, she was sure. Louis said he understood, but her rut wasn't there yet and until it arrived, she should still be entitled to a small measure of fun.

Zayn rolled her eyes and laughed, and told him she'd think about it. Her answer was still no. Harry would be there, anyway, and Harry never really liked Zayn, though they were, at the very least, civil with one another. She smelled very, very strongly of Liam half the time, which always unsettled Zayn. She missed Liam something fierce, and didn't really cope well with scenting her on someone else. Not that Harry and Liam did things together, but it was just the fact that Harry had unlimited access to Liam while Zayn herself didn't. Harry sometimes wore things that looked suspicously like Liam's clothing, but Zayn never mentioned it.

In any event, her rut was coming up soon, and because of that, her social life would suffer slightly.

Surprisingly enough, Louise, her roomate, had been pretty cool about her rut and offered to help her out, if she was interested. Zayn had said no, although with a hint of reservation. The only time she'd ever shared her rut with anyone had been Liam, though she didn't tell Louise that, or anyone else for that matter. Louise shrugged and told her the offer would still be on the table if she wanted it. Zayn kept that in mind, though she knew she could never really be interested in that - it was something too personal, too deep, to share with just anyone. When her rut came, though, she'd be desperate and would probably be inclined to spend it with anyone who could take the edge of. Because of that, she had already planned to take off class and lock herself in her room with a five day supply of snacks, water bottles, and other important things she'd need to survive during her self imposed confinement. She'd be fine. Maybe. Hopefully.

"What? What's the matter with it?" Louise asked, turning around. There wasn't anything wrong with the dress itself, but it reminded Zayn of Liam, and that - that just wasn't good.

"Nothing, nothing," Zayn amended, shaking her head. "You look great." She took a bite of her wonton, pushing her food around the white box with her chopsticks. Louise sat down with Zayn, frowning a little as she poked at her side with a sigh. Her brown and blonde hair was curled delicately, makeup done to an almost flawless extent. She really did look nice, but it still didn't motivate Zayn to want to go anywhere.

"You sure you don't want to come along? It'll be fun. Louis said so," Louise coaxed, frowning a little at her friend. She didn't know Zayn very well, but she liked her and she was a pretty nice person, a well adjusted alpha who had the tendency to sometimes be blunt and morose, but she liked that about her anyway. It kept things interesting. She kept her half of their dorm neat and tidy, didn't bring any one over to hang out without letting Louise know in advance, and was overall pretty cool to hang out with.

Still, Zayn seemed sadder some days than others. She got this distant, far away look in her brown eyes that made Louise want to ask what it was that had her so upset and freaked out, but she usually refrained from asking because she got the feeling that doing so would cross an imaginary line that Zayn had drawn as soon as they met, and like their friendship hinged on Louise not crossing that line.

"Zayn, please. It'll only for a little while. Do you think it'll be bad if you come get some fresh air?" The beta's voice was soft, pleading. She fixed Zayn with large, pitiful eyes, but her alpha counterpart was not swayed in the slightest. She watched Zayn stab and chew on a piece of broccoli before she replied.

"I don't think that's a good idea. My... I'm due soon, like really soon." In a day or two, to be certain, Zayn's rut would arrive regardless of whether she liked it or not. She felt anxious about it, wanted to pace and claim and cry in frustration because she could do nothing but wait it out in her room. Louise frowned but nodded.

"Okay, yeah. Well," she said, standing up resolutely. She brushed her hands through her hair and brushed out her skirt, sighing softly. "I'll be back... later, maybe. Unless someone takes me home. I'll text you. If you need anything, you know where I'll be."

They hugged goodbye, and then Louise was gone, and the flat was silent. Zayn stretched and stood up, yawning, walking to the mini fridge to put her takeout away. Her rut was just hours away, now. She could feel it. Her body was sore, and it didn't matter how much she tried to stretch or rub the soreness out of her muscles. Zayn noted the tension in her thighs, especially, which always made it weird for her when she stood up or walked, or just moved. Her hands shook, and she felt clammy, eyes slipping shut as she leaned her forehead against the cool wall.

Liam was here.

Zayn didn't know how she felt about that yet.

Well, not here, in Zayn's room, but on campus. They were supposed to come here together, live together, be together. But Liam decided that she couldn't be with Zayn, and they'd broken up because of Shoshannah, or more specifically, because Liam seemed to not believe Zayn cared about her enough to respect their relationship and not cheat on her with Shoshannah. It was a stupid argument, but it wasn't what was said that hurt Zayn the most. It was what it implied. Liam implied that Zayn's love for her wasn't real, that she didn't feel like they could have a future together because of a threat that Liam herself had blown way, way out of proportion.

Shoshannah meant absolutely nothing to Zayn anymore. If anything, she was helping Zayn. She had come into quite the large sum of money because the boyfriend she had who died had a trust fund that he'd left in her name before his passing. She didn't know what to spend it on. Zayn needed the money to promote her art, to buy supplies, and to just support herself while she focused on her projects and commissions. It was a brilliant idea. Zayn needed money. Shoshannah liked art and had the money to help Zayn out, and wanted to make amends for what had happened in the past.

They hadn't so much as exchanged a single kiss, though Shoshannah had tried it once or twice. Zayn always told her, quite firmly, that she wasn't interested and was more so interested in Liam than anyone else.

Liam seemed to be convinced that they were something, despite how many times Zayn had tried to convince her that she was wrong. Zayn decided that before she scream at Liam and do something she could later grow to regret, they go their separate ways. She loved Liam more than she ever thought possible and Liam seemed to not be able to understand that. Staying together wouldn't fix things, and there were only so many accusations and silent interrogations Zayn could take before she'd had enough.

The knowledge that Liam was somewhere on campus at that very moment made her head throb dully. She could very well be at the party, which was one of the biggest reasons why she couldn't go to the party. She wasn't willing to risk it. She didn't want to see Liam. Well, she did, but she wasn't sure how it would go down, and the thought of how uncomfortable it would be for them both made her want to stay clear of her. At least until her rut passed. It was a complete miracle that they'd managed to avoid one another this long, and Zayn was desperate to keep it that way, especially with the prospect of her upcoming rut looming in the distance.

Thoughts of Liam made Zayn think about the last time they were properly together, which was her rut, late June. (They'd broken up on in July.) It was magic. They were in some sort of sexual nirvana, give or take, for about a week, and it was the first time that Zayn ever seriously considered mating with someone. It was the first time Zayn could allow herself to be so open with someone and let them see a side of her no one really saw. It was, quite simply, quite beautiful.

As a female alpha, she did pop a knot, and she could only do so during her rut, as opposed to a male alpha, like Louis, who could pop a knot anytime, any place, and anywhere. Her rut released a series of hormones and pheromones that, for lack of a better way to explain it, turned her lady bits to boy bits, knot and all. She wasn't sure how to explain it to anyone.

In school, during her sexual education courses, they taught everyone about alphas, and people always looked at her funny - she guessed that some people naturally assumed she was an alpha, though she never saw it that way - and about what happened during their ruts, the changes their bodies and feelings underwent. Zayn had always assumed she be a beta, because she lacked the characteristic anger and agression the alpha tended to have, and couldn't ever be as docile and submissive as an omega. (Save for her romp with Shoshannah.) Her mother was a beta, too, though her father was an alpha.

The first time that Zayn discovered that she too was privy to body changes was shortly after she'd broken up with Shoshannah and had presented, to her father's delight, as an alpha. The whole event was a little traumatizing because she didn't know what was going to happen, and wasn't sure what to expect. It was mortifying because her parents were both home, and she had hoped to be alone when it happened so she could deal with it, whatever it was, quietly, no fanfare, no special attention, but it didn't quite work that way. She'd woken up feeling very, very ill and strange, sticky, hot. In the days leading up to her first rut, she had felt angry, sullen, sulky, and she hadn't been able to explain why exactly, though it made sense in time. When she got out of bed to use the loo, she found that she had, to her surprise, a fucking cock dangling between her thighs as though it was the most natural thing in the world. She screamed, scared and shocked, and began to cry because she wasn't sure exactly why she had a penis where, just yesterday, she'd had quite the nice vagina, if she said so herself.

Her mother shushed and soothed her, wrapped her in a blanket, and told her to go back to bed. It was just a rut, and she would be fine if she just worked through it. (Lie. She was not fine. She was literally crawling out of her skin for four days, wanking like nobody's business, crying into a pillow because she couldn't get any release and was desperate for anyone.)

When they went to the doctor a few days later to confirm, the doctor explained to Zayn how and why this happened. She had a diagram of female alphas before, during, and after ruts. She explained that her body would return to normal once her rut had worked its way out of her system. She would, she assured Zayn, be quite alright. Ruts were usually provoked by hormones - during puberty, desire or close proximity to omegas usually triggered it. Her clitoris would expand, slowly growing in length, width, and sensitivity, and for the length of her rut, would stay that way, with a knot that would inflate at the base to keep any ejaculate from escaping when she knotted an omega or beta. The whole point of a rut was to have a baby. Though the odds of her ever having a child were very silm, it was possible. However, she would probably end up getting someone pregnant, instead, and not the other way around. She explained the importance of tracking her cycles regularly to be able to prepare for them. Otherwise, she could be prone to acts of violence and rage and could attack an innocent omega or beta, could even mark them without meaning to.

"Am I a boy? Am I a girl?" Zayn asked, confused. She'd grown up as a girl, developed as a girl; her whole life, she had lived as a female, thought as one, and she was now confused. She didn't feel like a boy. Not that anything was wrong with boys, or that she didn't like them as people, but Zayn was a girl. She had breasts. And she had a vagina, too, and her movements wer feminine, her body was feminine, she didn't go through all of the body changes that males went through. She felt like a girl. Wasn't she? What did this all mean?

"You're whoever you feel like you are, Zayn. I can't tell you you aren't a young lady or a young man, for that matter. Whatever makes you happy is what you are, and you can't let anyone tell you otherwise."

So, Zayn was a girl, for all intents and purposes, who, a few times a year, sported a seven inch cock and a pretty decent knot, if she said so herself. Her body just... worked funny, that was all. (When she got older, she talked about it with other female alphas, who told her the same thing. She wasn't so funny after all. Just different.) Thankfully, her ruts came intermittently throughout the year and they could be planned and taken care of. She took off of school for a few days. Her parents took her to a really nice cabin in the woods where she could be alone and tear thing up and cry and take care of her needs without the interference of anyone else. She wouldn't have to worry about needing to go out and claim, bite, mark, fuck because, well, in the middle of nowhere, where was she going to find someone?

And then, when things had settled, she had moved, and she met Liam. Liam's scent was literally the best thing in the world, and Zayn, despite how hard she tried, couldn't get enough of it. Liam's heats were probably what triggered her ruts, in retrospect, not that she was complaining. Her first rut while being in a relationship with Liam had happened during a family trip, away from Liam. She hadn't expected it, and was beyond embarrassed when she couldn't bring herself to do anything with her family, hand practically glued to her raw, sore length as she writhed around her stiff, dirty sheets.

The rut she'd had with Liam had come on quite innocently. She knew she was due for it anyway, and they'd talked about it before hand. Albeit, Zayn was a little hesitant and scared because she was afraid it would turn Liam off. Liam, who wanted to be with a boy, first of all, would probably be too freaked out about Zayn's... growth. It had taken her long enough to deal with her own sexuality, and Zayn was afraid that the news would upset all the progress she had made in that respect. What would she say? Would that be what broke them up? Zayn would understand if it wasn't something Liam was ready for or could handle, but she would still be a little sad, anyway.

On the contrary, Liam seemed excited and ready for it, and told Zayn that she wanted her regardless of what her body or genitals looked like on certain days of the year. She was pretty keen on seeing Zayn's bits, because, according to her, she'd never seen a real one up close. They laughed about it a little, and the tense air Zayn thought the conversation would take disappeared in their giggles and laughs. Zayn felt relieved, comfortable, happy - it was a truly rare experience for her to feel so open and happy about being vulnerable with someone.

"You're mine," Liam had insisted, leaning in for a kiss that left Zayn breathless. Truly, all of Liam's kisses left her breathless, but still. She had climbed onto Zayn's lap, wrapping her arms around her back. Her lips pressed against Zayn's gently, hands reaching up to thread through Zayn's hair. Her body rocked down against Zayn's lap slowly, hips circling sultrily. She moaned into the kiss and deepened it a little before pulling away, resting her forehead against Zayn's. "And I love you. Don't be afraid, please."

Zayn resigned herself to the television again with a bowl of yogurt and fruit, counting down the hours. Her rut, she knew, would be there soon, much sooner than she had initally planned. As an art major, she found herself surrounded by male and female omegas alike, since her concentration was, for some reason, predominantly an omega area of study. It didn't bother her any. She preferred omegas to anyone else because they were always soft, warm, comforting, and always seemed to be so concerned about others. Still, her extended time with her classmates had provoked an early rut, which she was sure was going to be much worse than usual because her body wasn't expecting it and hadn't prepared.

What a time to be alive.

* * *

 

  
The party - it was no chill, serene get together like Louis had promised her it would be - was in full swing when Liam arrived. Harry had spent the day with Louis, so she was probably already there. Liam didn't know why exactly she'd agreed to come. It was a frat house. Louis had to belong to the rowdiest fraternity of all, Zeta Phi. They were all alphas, mostly male, but a handful of females, and were notorious for throwing raging parties that ended with the campus police being called more often than not. Of course. Why had Liam ever believed that Louis and the world calm and chill could ever coexist in the same sentence?

The music was as loud as could be, and there was an incessant chatter in the air, which was heavy with cigarette smoke, the scent of liquor, and the sticky sweet smell of what she assumed was weed. The atmosphere was heavy with hormones, too. (Zayn had taught her to look out for those scents, mostly to protect herself. Alphas who were drunk or near a rut were near unpredictable sometimes.) Her belly twisted. She hadn't come to a party since the breakup, either, and felt overwhelmed. Being at a party with Zayn was always fun because Zayn was so spunky and happy and always found ways to have a good, fun time no matter where she was.

She gulped, heading to the kitchen to look for a drink. Liam felt a little exposed. Harry had lent her a figure hugging dress, black with long sleeves and a hem that clung to her thighs. It was much shorter than she was used to, but she was trying something new, wasn't she? It wasn't like Liam was trying to meet anyone. She was just... partying.

Or she would try to, surely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, everyone! you're all precious and wonderful, and thanks for that incredible feedback - 100+ hits already? omg. thanks!!! love you guys. also, did you know you could find me on tumblr? message me at magicalgyal @ tumblr to send me plots, questions, or just say hi!


	3. champagne on the dance floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Liam decided, she could have truly done much worse for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi bebs!!! enjoy. thanks for the amazing feedback. you're all precious.

Liam had two flutes of champagne before she decided that she wanted to go home. She wasn't really having any fun. The party was full of people who honestly just wanted to find someone to fool around with, or people who had way too much to drink. She was sitting in a corner near a potted fern, watching everyone with a small frown. She felt so alone, even if she was surrounded by people. It was just - by this age, it seemed as though many people had found their mate, or were already mated, and Liam felt sad and lonely. 

The moments like those made her miss Zayn the most. At least with Zayn, she wouldn't feel so lonely, and the despair in her heart would lessen, and maybe she wouldn't feel like the odd one out in a room full of people who seemed more preoccupied in one another. The final straw for Liam was watching Harry and Louis together.

Living with Harry was really difficult. Not because Harry did anything annoying or went out of her way to hurt Liam intentionally, or because she was difficult to get along with. To the contrary, Harry did her best to support and encourage Liam to do her very best. She always held her hand and listened to her when she was angry, and let Liam live her life freely, more or less. She knew how to respect her boundaries, how to not push Liam's buttons, and was just nice to be around. 

But it hurt seeing her with Louis, so happy and loved and doted on. Of course, Liam wanted her friend in a healthy, happy relationship. But the problem was that it saddened Liam to see it. Louis was such a good boyfriend. He doted on her like nobody's business. He had no qualms in coming over if she was upset and cooking dinner for them, or taking both Harry and Liam out. (And he'd bought Liam her suppressants, too.) He listened to Harry, supported her, and made her feel loved. Was Liam selfish for wanting that?

•

Niall had diaper duty for the weekend, which he supposed could be a lot worse, given what Viola's been trying to stick in her mouth lately. He watched Jade sleep with a small smile, listening to the baby monitor while he tried to finish a lab report before the deadline expired. He really had wanted Jade to go to school, but she didn't really want to. The only reason Niall was even enrolled was because his employer offered to pay for him to take a couple of business and technology classes, and it was a deal that Niall just couldn't refuse.

Viola fussed softly on the monitor, snuffling and shifting around until she got comfortable again. Niall sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. It would be worth it, he hoped, all these late nights and all the sacrifices, if it meant that Jade and the baby were well taken care of. Niall focuses on his paper again, sighing in frustration as he tries to meet the word count on the driest subject on earth. He can't wait until the semester ends and he'll be able to opt out of the class. 

When Viola began to cry in earnest, Niall saved his work to his flash drive and quietly crawled out of bed. He was almost done, anyway, just a few final touches and he'd be golden. Niall had also grabbed his phone and stuffed it in the pocket of his joggers so it wouldn't go off and wake up Jade, who slept so lightly the way it was. He padded down the hallway in some slippers, scratching the back of his head as he yawned. He pushed the pink door open slightly, poking his head in the room. 

Yeah, Viola definitely needed her diaper changed. He set out the materials he'd need, a new diaper with some cartoons on the front, the box of hypoallergenic wet wipes, some powder, rash cream, and her usual favorite toy. He picked her up out of her crib then, groaning with the effort. For eight months, she was pretty chubby, but she was also really cute, too, and Niall liked to think she'd gotten his appetite.

After laying her down, he removed the soiled diaper and cleaned her up as best he could. When she was first born, doing this made him gag, kind of, because he wasn't really used to changing very many diapers, but he's since gotten over it, because - well, regardless of how he felt, Viola would be uncomfortable until he changed her, and he couldn't stand to think about her fussing and squirming like that. He changed her into a clean one and then rubbed some sanitizer on his hands, then picked her up again. 

She seemed to have no real intentions of falling back asleep, so Niall took her to the kitchen to make her a warm bottle of formula. She hung out on his hip, babbling around her little fist quietly. Two little teeth were erupting from her gums, white little caps. Pretty cute, he supposed. He fixed the bottle as best he could without setting her down, then went back to the nursery to settle her into the rocking chair with him to feed her. 

He spoke to her quietly, as he was wont to do during these soft moments in the middle of the night, and hoped she'd fall back asleep soon so she could get some rest. 

While he was telling Viola a funny story about a cat and a dog, his phone buzzed dully against his thigh, encased by the material of his pocket. 

"'Lo?" he asked softly, watching Viola suckle lazily on the rubber nipple of the bottle. 

"Heyooo," Liam slurred on the other end. Niall sighed. Oh, God. When Liam drank even a little sip of alcohol, she was done for the night. Probably the world's greatest lightweight, to be sure. Liam couldn't handle her alcohol. For all her insistence that she could, and that no one had the right to cut her off... she really couldn't. At least, Zayn had known that and tried to keep Liam safe while she drank. But after the break up, all bets were off, and, more often than not, Liam called Niall instead of calling Zayn.

Niall didn't mind, but drunk phone calls almost always tended to be depressing when he was sober. Still, what was he supposed to do? Hang up on Liam? 

"Hey, Lee," he yawned softly, rubbing Viola's back. He pulled the bottle from her mouth gently and wiped at the corners of her lips and her chin with a small spit rag. This would be a much longer evening than Niall initially anticipated. 

"Dance? Me - yeah, okay!" Liam called out, laughing. "Bye, Ni." 

Or, not, he thought to himself, hanging up the phone and tucking it back in his pocket. That was weird. 

•

Liam awoke in Harry's bedroom, which threw her for a definite loop. She gagged on the scent of pure sex which emanated from the sheets, which made her roll off and land with a solid and heavy thump on the hardwood floor. She didn't care, as long as she was off those sheets, she'd be fine. If that wasn't indication enough, the jersey thrown carelessly over the back of the chair next to the desk gave it away -Tomlinson 88. She stood up shakily, struggling to gather her bearings. Why was she here?

Shouldn't she have been in her own bed? She stepped around Harry's disorganized room carefully, tiptoeing. She had pictures of her and Liam, a few with Liam, Louis, Zayn, and herself, and many with Louis and her own family. Liam snatched the ones with herself and Zayn, though, tummy lurching at the thought of her ex. Liam made her way out of the room slowly, walking into her own room. 

"Babe! Stop," Harry giggled from the kitchen. Liam gagged at the sounds of Louis' wet kisses along her skin, presumably her neck and shoulders. She could smell breakfast cooking too, eggs sizzling. Originally, their apartment was designed for four roommates. The other two never really showed up, and the school had yet to replace them. Liam and Harry weren't in a rush to really remind them, anyway.

She collapsed onto her neatly made bed, face stiff as she took a deep whiff of her own comforter. It smelled like jasmine and honey suckle. Liam flopped back onto her back and immediately regretted it, head spinning with the sudden motion. Once she got herself settled, though, she sat up slowly and undid the zipper on her dress, which was sticky with... come? Sugar? Did she have sex last night? She sniffed it a little, and decided that, no, that was just left over powdered sugar from a funnel cake she'd made the evening prior at the party. 

She undressed slowly, avoiding looking at herself for any extended period of time. Zayn made Liam feel like she was truly art. Now, Liam felt like she was just... a crumpled up flyer on the side of the road. She'd gone to the party with the hope that she could meet someone. Anyone would have been nice but - 

She glanced at her phone, which was vibrating on the floor. That was... odd. She didn't pay it any mind and went to grab some sweats. If she was going to eat and be subject to watching Harry and Louis, she'd do it with some dignity, damn it. Liam's shower didn't last too long. Since the hot water in their dorm was pretty limited, the girls tried their hardest to conserve it. She scrubbed herself down as best she could, desperate to get the scent of liquor and something distinctly... alpha, off her body. Alpha? 

Hm. 

Liam dressed in a loose jumper, some underwear, and thick sweat pants with some funky socks. She walked to her room to get her phone and put her dirty clothes in the hamper. 

"Liam! Come eat, yeah?" Louis called out, laughing a little. She winced, but reminded herself that she could do this. She was strong and brave and it was only breakfast, and they were her friends, and surely, they would be able to tone it down slightly for her sake. Right? 

Harry and Louis had prepared quite the nice breakfast, which was good, because Liam was convinced that nothing cured a hangover better than strong coffee, pain relievers, and a hearty meal. Admittedly, Harry did do a lot of the cooking, even when it was Liam's turn to cook, just because she liked doing it and Liam was never the greatest cook to begin with, anyway. 

She thanked her friends quietly and took her two little white pills with some black coffee. Harry and Louis had at least a foot of space between them, but Liam knew that if she looked underneath the table, they'd be holding hands or playing footsie or something equally as cute. 

"So, Liam, darling, did you have fun at the party last night?" Harry asked, scooping some cheesy eggs to put on her crispy toast. Louis, who was on a pretty heavy diet because of his sports and all, was eating a bowl of grainy cereal with cut peaches on top, and some of his weird fancy almond milk. It tasted kind of weird, but he liked it and kept it in their fridge because the guys at his frat would surely drink it or pour it down the drain, or replace it with something weird. 

Liam shrugged, cutting up her turkey sausage into smaller pieces before taking a few bites. Not half bad. She could barely remember the party, so she wasn't sure if she'd really enjoyed it. "Did I enjoy the party? I don't - it was alright, I guess. Guess I had an alright time."

They ate in silence for a while. Louis and Harry kept giving each other strange looks. Liam didn't try to follow along because she was busy enjoying her food and trying to keep it all down. She stared at her phone as an unknown number texted her again. It wasn't Zayn, but... well. It was a number she hadn't recognized. 

"Meet anyone?" Louis asked, smirking a little at Harry, who blushed and laughed. Liam glanced at the annoyingly happy couple and set her fork down, confused. Her fingers dabbed at her lips with a paper napkin. 

"What? No," Liam said, taken aback. At least, not that she knew of. There were a lot of blurry faces and she'd had quite a lot to drink, even for her. Maybe too much, since she couldn't even remember how she ended up in Harry's bed. "No. I don't - well, I don't think so. Do you know something I don't?" she asked with a laugh, shaking her head. 

"No. Just seemed pretty cozy with Teddy, that's all," Louis said causally. Teddy? Who the fuck was Teddy? She frowned and are her breakfast half heartedly as she tried to remember. She found that she couldn't, and glanced at Harry for an explanation. 

"He's this really nice guy in my physics class. And he's on the rugby team, fit lad," Harry explained, looking almost a little excited. Had the party just been a major stunt to get Liam to meet some random guy she couldn't even remember? God. She must have looked so desperate and clingy, drunk out of her damn mind. She couldn't have made the best first impression. 

"Is he the one who's been texting me all morning then?" Liam asked, picking up her phone. She'd only had one mystery text. The others were from Grace and Ruth, who wanted to visit her the following weekend, and from one of her lab partners who wanted to know if she had the answers to the assignment due on Monday. The mystery man was saved under T, and had quite the striking photo as his contact icon. Oh. Oh.

"He's nice, Liam," Harry protested. "Good lad. Alpha, I think. He's really sweet, and you guys seemed to hit it off last night. You traded numbers and everything." 

"He wants to know if I want to meet for coffee tomorrow morning," Liam said, staring at the text message in disbelief. Teddy must have had a soft spot for drunk omegas. He was really kind of handsome, she supposed, dark hair and bright blue eyes and freckles. And if Harry approved, could he have really been so awful?

"Say yes!" Harry squealed, all but bouncing in her seat. Louis seemed happy enough to watch all of this, munching on a peach slice thoughtfully. 

"It's just coffee, Liam. What do you have to lose? If he's a dick, fine. Throw a scone at him and leave or something. It isn't even a date," Louis added. "Getting out is good for you. It'll make you feel better and it isn't even like you have stuff to do tomorrow anyways."

Liam supposed that there was no harm in going, after all, if it was just coffee. And it would help to know how the party went, and how he'd gotten her phone and number, and all that good stuff.

•

Zayn had woken up on Saturday morning feeling 50 shades of miserable. She almost threw up, but refrained, gagging a little instead. She had to air out the room, and so she went to open the window slightly, but kept the curtains drawn shut. The evening before, she'd worked on her assignments as much as she could before retiring to bed sometime around 11. She kicked off her pajama pants, making a face at the obscene hardness pressing against the confines of her underwear, tenting the silky burgundy material. 

Zayn peeled those off slowly, hissing in relief once she was free. Her cock laid against her thigh, half flaccid, half hard. She squirmed, flushing at the sight. It reminded her of Liam, again, and how Liam had cooed and fussed and blushed at the sight of it too. Thoughts of Liam weren't conducive to anything because all Zayn could actually think about was Liam's mouth around her thick shaft, the sounds and whimpers she made, wetly, slurping sounds, how her wet walls clamped around her tightly for the first time. 

Zayn finished undressing then, grabbed the lube, and climbed back into bed, deciding that, well, Liam wasn't really there, and it wouldn't hurt to think about her anyways. 

•

Liam's body was always, as far as Zayn was concerned, perfect. She stayed in shape because of all the sports and activities she liked to do, but she was still real, human, still looked like a normal person instead of someone airbrushed onto a catalog. She had a light dusting of freckles over her body, a little birthmark between her breasts, and very, very faint marks on her hips and bottom. Liam's butt was, probably, Zayn's favorite part of all. It was just so full and squishy and Liam always tasted so fucking good - like a candy shop, a meadow with ripe flowers, early spring - and it never all fit in her hand, always gave her a good handful. And Liam liked being spanked, too, so there was that. 

They had decided to spend Zayn's rut in a cabin similar to one her parents had helped her find when she was younger. It wasn't much, made out of cedar with a couple of clear windows. It had a small stove, a bathroom, a table, and a bed. That was it. The bare necessities.

They'd already agreed to buy after pills, sold for omegas who feared risking pregnancy while not being ready or interested in it. Commonly used after ruts or heats without protection - not that Zayn hadn't suggested it, but Liam didn't want to, because they'd already been together so what was the point? The pill would work fine, anyway, and she wanted to feel Zayn.

"Come on," Liam insisted, tugging on Zayn's hand and pulling her down onto the large, fluffy bed with her. Zayn's rut was there, but it had just barely started. She'd felt her cock chub up in her trousers though, and blushed when Liam reached down to palm at it gently, nosing at her with a moan. 

In retrospect, Liam had probably worn that dress for easy access. She hadn't worn any panties to the cabin, which Zayn knew because she could smell her slick on the drive down, but it still surprised her to see Liam's slick, bare pussy lips with just the slightest hint of hair in the shape of a small heart all the same. 

Zayn had undressed quickly - well, Liam had undressed Zayn while focused on the swell of Liam's perky little breasts, sweaty and flush already. She wanted nothing more then to bite her, hard, but refrained because Liam wanted to wait, a little, and Zayn didn't want to claim her in a fit of lust anyway. 

The first time Liam had seen her length, throbbing and weeping already with need, she moaned, and Zayn had, for the first time in her life, seen a classic omegan presentation. Liam sometimes arched that way during her heats, or really, really intense sex, but she'd never done it so quickly and so instinctively before. She'd turned around on all fours and whimpered softly, arching her back deeply as she kept her legs together, toes pointed into the sheets. 

Slick dripped slowly down her milky thighs.

Zayn gulped, stroking herself slowly as she watched Liam whimper and moan into a pillow with need. She reached in between her legs to finger herself with a trembling hand, moaning and huffing as she rocked into two fingers. 

"Zayn, please," she begged softly, pulling her fingers out. "Please, please - " Zayn shushed her with a growl that only made Liam leak further, crying into the pillow. She arched her back and pressed back against Zayn. She, in turn, pressed the head of her cock against her slippery folds, sliding them up and down to tease. 

Liam was hot, hot, hot, slick coating Zayn's length as she teased her pussy lips. She melted, and Zayn pushed her hair over her shoulder, wanting to get a better look at her face. She turned Liam over roughly, nipping and biting at her skin as her hands spread her thighs open. Liam laughed in surprise, moaning when Zayn rocked her hips against hers. She needed to fuck Liam. Like, now, but she also needed this to be a regular thing, so she couldn't very well hurt her. It was Liam's first time with real penetrative sex, not with a plastic toy, but the real deal. 

"You ready?" Zayn asked, looking at Liam, who looked at her and nodded, reaching up for a kiss. "I love you, okay?" Zayn sunk into her then, hissing and moaning in pleasure. Liam was a fucking vice grip, hot and heady and needy, little broken moans leaving her lips as Zayn slowly but surely drove her length inside. 

•

"Is this too much?" Liam asked Harry, unsure. She'd been talking to Teddy on and off since the day before, and he seemed to be a funny, down to earth sort of person. She wasn't sure what she was attracted to anymore. Girls and boys? People? She didn't know. All she knew was that it felt nice to feel like someone wanted her, and he was pretty cute, and it wouldn't totally bother Liam if they did end up having sex at some point. She could do a lot worse. 

This was the fifth outfit she'd tried on and nothing seemed to really work. She didn't want to look desperate, but she also didn't want to seem disinterested. Teddy was so vague and Harry didn't know him very well, so it wasn't like she could offer any advice on what he could potentially like or not. 

"You look fine, Liam, but you're gonna be really late if you don't hit the road," Harry pointed out. Liam looked at herself in the mirror with a frown. She'd pulled her hair into a half up ponytail, leaving the rest loose and flowing over her shoulders. She'd worn nude lipstick with a champagne colored blouse, houndstooth skirt and some comfortable, low heels. She looked... well. Hopefully, not like she was trying too hard. 

After grabbing her clutch, phone, and keys, Liam headed out to the coffee shop on campus, nervous. There could be so many scenarios that she could be walking into - he could be a total psycho, really ugly in person, rude, mean, a complete chauvinist pig... the list was endless, really. She arrived at the shop, shivering a little and really wishing she'd not forgotten her jacket at home. 

"Liam?" someone called out. When she turned to follow the voice, she waved and smiled in relief. Okay. So he did look like his contact icon, and he was tall, and well dressed, well groomed... hot. Really, really hot. Damn it all, wow. He pulled her into a friendly hug before greeting her and even pulling out her chair for her. 

Yes, Liam decided, she could have truly done much worse for herself. 

•

Okay, so like - Louise wasn't nosy or anything. She really wasn't. She loved Zayn to death and respected her privacy as much as she could... but she had noticed that her screen saver and lock screen usually involved the same person, who she could only assume to be "Liam", the person who'd broken her heart. It was hella lame.

Zayn said that Liam could be on campus, but Louise had yet to see her. Until the party, anyway, which was brilliant because she could finally put a name to a face. They talked for a little bit over drinks, but Liam was so shit faced she probably didn't even remember the party in general, much less Louise or her questions about Zayn. 

Louise decided that she'd pick up a couple of breakfast muffins and a bag of coffee beans at the coffee shop. Since Zayn was having her rut, she wasn't going to cook, or make breakfast or do anything involving her leaving her room, so Louise had to try to keep the apartment afloat for a few days. 

Once in the shop, though, she spotted Liam, nuzzled up with Teddy, who she felt like she'd see before but couldn't quite place where. She snapped a picture quickly anyways, saving it because she knew it would come to her in time. For all of Zayn's insistence that Liam loved her back too, it sure didn't seem like it when she giggled and laughed and blushed at whatever Teddy was saying. How the tables turn, indeed.


	4. doing things I taught you, getting nasty for someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "God, isn't that adorable? I hope they're happy together. They make a cute couple," Harry sighed, munching on her sandwich. She dabbed at her lips with a napkin, and then and there, Louis decided that they would be mates. He didn't know when, or how, but Harry would be his mate. He /wanted/ her as his mate, wanted to see her happy, and one day... maybe have a coffeeshop moment of their own. Maybe. "Have I got something on my face?" she asked softly, leaning in. "You're looking at me funny. Are you alright, babe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> luv u all, feedback pls thank u

Theodore - Teddy - was very kind. He was tall, handsome, and spoke with a very light, soft accent. He was an exchange student from Holland who was spending the year in London, studying and learning. He was just... nice, which was a pleasant, refreshing change for Liam. She had initially expected him to be a little arrogant and cocky because most of the alphas she had met - not socially, but just in general - tended to come off that way. He was polite, let her order for herself, and actually seemed to listen to what she had to say. 

Apparently, they had met during a game of pong with Louis and Harry, which Liam knew was probably just their way of setting Liam up with someone. Even though she really didn't think she was ready to move on or start meeting new people, she was a little grateful for being introduced to Teddy that way. Maybe they were on to something. Maybe. 

In the middle of listening to Teddy's joke about two alphas walking into a bar, Liam smelled something distinctly familiar. It made her cheeks flush, burning as she struggled to keep herself from turning around. What the fuck was Zayn doing here? Liam had half a mind to hiss and scowl, but laughed instead when her companion did. She didn't know what the punchline was, but she guessed it was funny. Maybe.

But... it wasn't Zayn herself, was it? Whoever it was smelled very, very strongly of need and mine and exuded alpha pheromones that were almost dampened by... what? A beta? Betas usually didn't smell like much of anything, at least, not to Liam. Maybe like lavender, or vanilla. Liam sipped her chai tea to mask her scowl. It had to be Zayn's stupid roommate. 

They'd met, briefly, the evening before. By met, Liam meant that she'd spotted her talking to Louis and Greg, and her blood boiled, and she'd had her fourth (fifth?) shot of the evening in her indignation. What was she even doing there? It was nice to know who she was, anyways. Was she with Zayn now, intimately? And why was she at the coffee shop now? Maybe she needed coffee now, too... but could Zayn have sent her to spy on her? She was at the party the evening before, and it didn't quite make sense because Liam wasn't sure who exactly she knew at the party, but... well. 

Liam tried not to think about her, because she was with someone who actually seemed interested in... her, in what she had to say. It almost made her feel special. 

After their drinks and their light snacks, Teddy suggested a walk around campus, which Liam happily agreed to. Because it was fall, their campus had quite the cozy, lovely feel to it. The leaves were just turning all sorts of different colors, burgundy and gold and violet, and there was a distinct, bittersweet crispness in the air that chilled Liam in the most delightful way. 

They'd been walking around in circles for almost an hour before Liam realized that she had to get home to finish a couple of assignments before class the following morning. Teddy hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek, and asked if it was okay for him to call her some time, maybe, so they could do this again. She nodded, sheepish, and told him she looked forward to seeing him soon. 

On the walk home, she felt... happy. She had thought it was going to be a total disaster. She was still too emotionally vulnerable and knew that it wouldn't be the best idea for her to be considering dating anyone because she wouldn't be a good partner. She was sure that going on a date would remind her of Zayn somehow, and that she'd burst into tears instantly and cause a massive scene and ruin it; or that the alpha or beta in question would turn out to be super creepy and weird and turn her off completely; or... well. Liam had just entertained a variety of reasons why dating wouldn't work out too well. It wasn't a good idea, she told herself, but... well. Teddy seemed nice, and at the very least, he could be a good friend. A very handsome, sweet, and gentle friend who could maybe be a good partner, but a friend only. 

There was just... the spark wasn't there. Everyone has a spark with their mate or with someone they connect with, don't they? It was obvious between her parents, how they doted and loved on one another and seemed to be so in tune that they didn't even have to really speak to one another to know what was happening between them. And with Harry and Louis, that spark was manifested more physically than anything else, how they were always touching, always in each other's space and how they always seemed to find a comfort in each other. Niall and Jade were a full on fireworks display, love and joy and something heady and spiritual connecting them in an obvious way. They all understood their partners and seemed to just /fit/ well together. 

Teddy was nice and they connected well as friends, but that was it. There was nothing else there between them, no raw magnetism that attracted Liam or made her feel like she absolutely had to see him again. Liam knew it would be platonic at best - Teddy probably felt that way, too. 

During her trek up to her room, she wondered what it was. Teddy would be a good mate. Strong, attractive, kind, and he seemed to see something in Liam, seeing as he'd still wanted to talk to her despite how sloppily drunk she'd been at the party. Wasn't Teddy the full complete package? Why did Liam not want him?

Was she... frigid? Was she broken now because of Zayn, and unable to recognize what a good alpha looked like? It worried her. She sighed and kicked off her shoes as she walked into the small living room of her apartment, uneasy. Zayn had no right to affect her life like this anymore, and Liam didn't want to miss Zayn or even think about her, but she couldn't help the sudden hot tears that welled in her eyes. 

She missed Zayn, she missed how she felt when they were together and missed how Zayn would say her name so reverently and lovingly even when they were having a row, how she patiently helped her deal with her own issues. She missed baths with her, late night fast food runs, telling her all her hopes in dreams in a cocoon of blankets in her bed in the middle of the night. She missed road trips, she missed the sex, the intimacy she'd craved all her life and had finally found in Zayn. She sunk against the door and wept, knees against her chest as she wrapped her arms around them.

Liam sat there and cried for a long time, finally letting herself mourn the end of a relationship she'd had with, what was to her, at least, probably the love of her life. 

•

Louis eyed Harry as they stood in line, as well as the other people who milled in and out of the little shop. He watched different pairs and different dynamics, keeping a gentle, but reassuring, hand on the small of Harry's back. She was looking at the menu boards on the wall, black chalkboard with all sorts menu items in varying shades of green, pink, and purple. She swore by their cinnamon buns, and Louis had heard more than a handful of people highly recommend their protein shakes, so here they were for lunch. 

He watched an alpha in maybe his mid to late thirties glance at the omega bathroom doors anxiously, and his curiosity was piqued until he spotted the small felt box in his trembling hands. Oh, for fuck's sake, Louis thought, or at least - well. He wanted to and maybe a few months ago, he would have. But it had been a solid year since Louis and Harry began to seriously and exclusively see one another and be in a relationship, and for months, Louis had been toying around with the same idea. 

The redhead gulped and dug a finger into the collar of his shirt as he waited, still gripping the small box tightly. Louis isn't jealous, he's happy for the man, but he wishes he could gather the courage and confidence. And in public, of all places - what if he or she says /no/? He feels secondhand anxiety for the guy, tension rolling off the anxious man in waves. Harry bristles at it and leans a little into Louis, her thin fingers digging into the material of his shirt near his hip. 

"Babe? Know what you want yet? I know you're on a diet for footie but we should really split that chocolate cake for dessert, don't you think?" Harry asked, looking up at him. The eyes that meet him are happy, happier than they were when they first met. The scheming and cunning look had been replaced by something like love and comfort, melty, gooey and it never ever fails to soothe Louis, even when he's calm and there's no real rage or fire burning inside him. 

The way Harry's eyes fix on him always threatens to suffocate him, and Louis swears on everything he holds dear and near and close to his heart that he'll never ever get tired of it. Her eyes aren't just /green/, they're almost like emeralds, twin pools of green that glimmer and glisten, always glossy and soft, almost glassed over when they fuck. 

"Lou?" He startled then and nodded, not really having listened or paid much mind to her request. Louis would give Harry anything, the Sun, the moon, a whole fucking galaxy or universe if she asked for it. She grinned and leaned into him to peck his lips, making him laugh a little as she snuggled into him. 

As the line moves forward, Louis glanced over at the man again. He was fidgety and kept smoothing down his hair, rubbing his palms against the fabric of his jeans, adjusting his shirt. They made eye contact and Louis smiled a little before he realized that it was their turn in line and that he should probably order something to eat. He decided on the salad with a weird, funky name, but it seemed pretty good if the cashier's review of it was accurate. They ordered a milkshake to split, and then took a seat at a nearby table to wait for their meal, which came out not soon after.

It seemed like the whole restaurant stilled when the omega walked out of the loo. She had a scarf wrapped around her head, thin face calm and ambivalent as her eyes met her boyfriend's. She seemed much younger than her boyfriend, and certainly surprised when he knelt down on one knee and began his proposal. Harry's mouth dropped open in a soft coo, whispering about how cute it was to Louis, who watched the whole ordeal transfixed. The girl, who ever she was, was crying, hands covering her far as she nodded and said yes. They kissed and hugged, wrapped in their own special moment and time. People cheered and whistled and congratulated the happy couple. 

"God, isn't that adorable? I hope they're happy together. They make a cute couple," Harry sighed, munching on her sandwich. She dabbed at her lips with a napkin, and then and there, Louis decided that they would be mates. He didn't know when, or how, but Harry would be his mate. He /wanted/ her as his mate, wanted to see her happy, and one day... maybe have a coffeeshop moment of their own. Maybe. "Have I got something on my face?" she asked softly, leaning in. "You're looking at me funny. Are you alright, babe?"

"Peachy," Louis said softly, wrapping his ankle around Harry's, reveling in the soft smile she gave him, the blush that suffused her cheeks and the dimples that pressed in, accenting her bright smile. 

•

Zayn grunted softly as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. God, she was just happy that ordeal was finally over. Her ruts were mostly pleasant things. Even when she was younger and single she'd come to enjoy them because they were /meant/ to be enjoyable. Of course, the best rut of all had been the one she'd spend with Liam and any rut would fail to compare, but - well. This one had just been... lackluster, three days of tugging off and thinking about nameless, faceless bodies, about Liam mostly, and about just getting rid of all the desperation and anxiety she felt pooling inside her. But it was over, thankfully. Everything is normal, functional, and Zayn finally feels like herself again. 

She's exhausted and sticky and sweaty, so she decides that it's high time she showers and cleans off all these weird, sticky stains. Louise is lounging in the living room with a cigarette and some fashion project when Zayn walks in, towel around her body. 

"Alright, babe?"

"Yep."

"Think Ted's coming over, is that cool? He said he had the notes for your art history exam." Zayn squinted. God, Ted was such a fuckboy. He was nice to everyone and cool, kinda, but still a fuckboy because he loved to toy around with girls and had a string of them at his beck and call. Still, an art major like herself, Teddy and Zayn did have common ground in terms of their classes and artistic interests. That was as far as it went. Teddy thought they were friends, and secretly wanted to bang Louise. Like Zayn didn't know. Fucking prick. 

Zayn smiled tightly and made a face. What the fuck? It smelled like Liam. Something smelled like Liam and Zayn didn't know why. It was probably just in her head, some sort of weird, freaky after effect of getting off to her for almost 72 hours straight. 

Zayn was meticulous during her shower. First, she washed her hair, which was now somewhere between blonde and metallic grey. A weird experiment with Louise that had actually gone very, very well, and while Zayn did kind of miss her dark hair, she liked this color too. It made her look edgy and cool, and kind of fit her personality. After that was sorted, she scrubbed down her body with a purple loofah, letting the water rinse her off and taking a deep breath. Why the fuck could she still smell Liam? It was weird, faint and distant but still... Liam-y, like she was nearby, or had been with someone who was near her lately.

Which was weird, but - okay. Whatever. After she felt clean and renewed, Zayn stepped out of her shower, drained it, and wrapped herself in the robe that hung on a hook behind the door. She tied the sash, untangled her hair and did it up in two space buns before wandering out into the living room again. Why the fuck did Louise look so nervous? Had she begun to feed into that stupid idiot's soft lines and wilting accent? Goddamnit. 

Zayn dressed comfortably, loose shirt, some underwear, some leggings, and was about to rejoin Louise in the living room when Teddy popped in on them. Teddy lived a floor above them. The scent which had thrown Zayn for a loop earlier now slapped her clear across the face. /Teddy/ was with Liam? 

"Hey, toots," Teddy said, holding up the notes in a manilla folder. He grinned at her and tossed himself down in the couch across from Louise, and shot her a smile that made her skittish and pink. Oh, fucking hell. "How was your...?"

"Great," Zayn gritted, sitting down near him. Had Liam rubbed herself on his clothes or something? (She'd done that to Zayn's sweaters once, post heat. It was adorable and it always made Zayn feel fond when she thought about Liam, cute and naked, snuggled up in a nest of Zayn's clothes on her bed. Now, however, it made Zayn feel like she was about to fucking snap.)

"Got any beer?" Teddy asked, glancing at Louise. "Be a doll, won't you? Get us some beers." 

"Don't have any," was Zayn's response, throat thick. She was going to kill him if he didn't fuck off soon. Her rut was gone, but she was still overly aggressive and testy, hormones working their way out of their system. 

"Yikes. What crawled into your knickers, Z?" He seemed put off by her attitude, but Zayn couldn't be bothered to apologize. 

"Nothing." She could feel Louise's eyes on her face, but didn't look at her. He had been with /Liam/, or with someone who sure smelled a whole lot like her ex girlfriend. Teddy raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and helped himself to one of Louise's cigarettes, tossing the carton back on the table after lighting it. 

"Hey, so, guess what," Teddy said, changing the topic of conversation. "Guess who I met at the party."

"Who?" Her fingers were digging into the material of her leggings, nails pressing insistently into her skin. Was she shaking? She felt shaky. 

"She's a fucking babe. Total lightweight, but she seems pretty alright when she's sober. Clingy, though, but what a fucking ass. God bless. Liam Payne, or some shit. I don't fucking know," Teddy rambled, blowing smoke up towards the ceiling. He glanced at Zayn, squinting a little at her. "Alright, babe? Don't look too good." 

"I'm... I'm just tired." Zayn could barely speak, not trusting her own voice, shaky and weak. She was either going to cry or punch him if he kept talking. "Liam, you said?"

"Yeah, you know her?" Louise looked at Zayn, knowing full well the depth of the relationship between Zayn and Liam. She said nothing, sewing a skirt on a mannequin quietly. Zayn managed a small shrug. "Well anyway," Teddy continued, shrugging flippantly as he took a drag off the cigarette. "I think she's, like, friend's with Tommo's bird. You've probably met her. We're gonna go out this week. She's such a fit lass, you know? Tight little body. Could do without the voice, and all the fucking talking, but I can deal. Seems like she'll be a tough lay, but worth it. Like a challenge, you know?"

"Yeah? Great, uh - um," Zayn was going to smash something, she could just feel it. Or cry, which was a thousand times worse. "I've gotta study for that final, man. Thanks for the notes. Fuck off." She laughed weakly and he huffed but nodded, and wished her luck with her studying.

"I saw them today, when I got your scone things," Louise murmured after Teddy left, looking guilty as she frowned a little. "Seemed like a date to me. I wanted to tell you before he got here, but."

"Good, it's... It's good, you know? I... she deserves... she, um... yeah. Good," Zayn stammers, not even sure of what the hell she's supposed to say. Liam and Teddy? Really? What kind of infernal hell was she living in? And out of all people?

•

When Liam finally bumped into Zayn on campus, it took her by surprise. It seemed to be a genuine accident. Still, it was bound to happen, no matter how much Liam dreaded and looked forward to it at the same time. On the one side, Liam loathed the idea of seeing Zayn because it would reopen wounds that had healed, but on the other, clearly more delusional side, she'd wanted to see Zayn solely because visually taking her in brought her a great deal of pleasure and joy. Or at least it had.

Liam had been preoccupied with her books and sorting them into her backpack while at the same time talking to Louis on the phone about dinner that night with Niall and Jade at his place, along with Harry too. Of course. She almost dropped her phone when she ran into Zayn, quite literally, books and black backpack falling on the leaf littered sidewalk. 

She hung up wordlessly, looking at Zayn. She felt like she looked like a wreck. It's been a busy week since the party and she'd barely had enough time to get herself together that morning, never mind her outfit or the sleepless, exhausted look she usually wore on her face. Liam's face burned as she made eye contact with Zayn. 

She'd changed her hair color, and seemed to be smoking again, but she was still... Zayn. She knelt to get her things wordlessly, unable to say anything or look at her for much longer. She wanted to cry, and cursed the tears that pooled in her eyes. So much for telling Zayn off, then, like she'd planned so many times before when picturing this moment. 

Zayn's fingers clasped over hers gently as she told her to calm down, smiling a little. She helped Liam gather her books and even sorted them into her backpack for her. 

"Long time no see," Zayn said, eyes not breaking away from Liam's for a single second. The gaze wasn't intense or cruel or mean or even malicious, and neither are her words - they're mere facts. They really haven't seen each other in a long time. 

"Your hair is grey," Liam stammered thickly, holding her bag to her chest. The smile Zayn gave her made her feel wobbly. She was going to faint. She was. Liam couldn't breathe and she can't think. She wants to hold Zayn and wrap herself around her tightly, but she also wants to huff and storm away. She stands there, rooted instead, as Zayn shrugs and tells Liam about her new hair color and runs a hand through it casually. "What - um - how are you? Good?" 

Liam finds that they're sitting on a bench, and wonders how they got there. Zayn seems to have that sort of hold on Liam. She smells so /good/, too; after months of not being near her at all, to have her so close so suddenly throws her for a loop and really makes her dizzy. 

"'M alright, I suppose," she said softly, crossing her legs and setting her large tote to the side. She's got paint on her, clay under her fingernails, and sunglasses in her hair. She seems happy. Is she with Shoshannah? Liam reprimands herself for still caring whether she is or isn't. They broke up. They can do whatever they want. "And you?"

"Okay." Her voice cracks, and Liam forced herself to stare at the setting sun instead of Zayn, trying to get her composure. She closed her eyes. She wasn't going to cry in public, much less in front of Zayn. 

"Don't sound okay to me."

That small sentence is what makes Liam snap, and whatever sadness and depression she would have felt morphs into anger and frustration as she whips towards Zayn, brown eyes hot and angry. 

Her anger builds slowly. 

"Okay, and? Are you the feelings police? Isn't Shoshannah gonna get mad that you're talking to me? I know how she feels about me," Liam said dryly, struggling to keep her true emotions in check. 

"Stop talking about Shoshannah, Liam. For fuck's sake, give it up. Why do you always have to bring her up?"

"Why do you always have to be such a fucking liar?" Liam countered, raising an eyebrow. "If you're seeing her, I don't care. It's none of my business anymore."

"Aren't you seeing anyone?" Zayn's tone is equally as testy and annoyed now. "Teddy, perchance?"

"Teddy? What - who the fuck told you about that? What the fuck do you care, anyways?" she hissed, squinting at her a little as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Huh? Aren't you busy spreading it open for Shoshannah?! Don't worry about little old me, Zayn. Do you really want to know how I am? I don't fucking sleep anymore! My hair is falling out, my weight is up and down, can barely fucking eat anymore the way it is! I'm just fine and dandy, no thanks to you!" She's standing and shaking now, hands gripping the straps of her backpack. "I'm not myself anymore, Zayn. /That's/ how I am. I'm not with Teddy. You're both proper knot heads and you can both fuck right off," Liam said, turning to go to her dorm. 

She doesn't let herself think about the outburst until she's safely behind her bedroom door, having tossed everything onto the floor. It was a very public, angry outburst, and embarrassing... but it felt kind of good to tell Zayn those things, the /truth/ about it all. What did Zayn want her to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what happens when I listen to drake at 1 am. feedback, please! thank you all for being so precious and beautiful, I love you all. you can also find me on tumblr @ magicalgyal. I'll edit this in the morning bc it's almost 4 am and I'm sleepy ok bye ilu

**Author's Note:**

> so, how do you all feel? let me know in the comments! and you can find me on tumblr, too! message me here: magicalgyal @ tumblr (: thanks for reading!


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